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Use
Empowering Language to Take Personal Responsibility for Your Situation
and Your Choices
Do
you want to be in the driver’s seat? Do you want to communicate with
clarity, power and intention? Listen to yourself speak and choose your
words carefully.
Replace “should”
with “choose, desire or want”.
Examples: Instead
of saying “I really should start looking around at some new
options”, say “I want to explore new options”.
Replace “can’t”,
with “I choose not to”; replace “must” with “I choose
to”.
Example: Instead
of saying “I know I must make a change, but I can’t
fit it in”, say “I choose to spend my time on activities
that will move me forward in transition.”
Replace references to
forces outside of you with “I” language.
Example: Instead of saying “the system makes me
crazy”, say “I am frustrated by this situation where my
values are not honored.”
“We
have no integrity when we attribute . . . our feelings and emotions to
someone else, or the weather, or to anything which we can’t control
[and] deny our own ability to choose alternative behaviors.” ---Julia Penelope
The
Power of “And”
Here
is a powerful way to express your views in a way that is respectful of
other people’s ideas and improves the chances that YOUR ideas will be
heard. Substitute
the word “and” for “but”.
For
example, rather than saying: “I
understand what your issue is, but I don’t agree with you,” say “I
understand what your issue is, and my view is . . . .”
Having someone “but” your idea is much like getting a mild
slap upside the head.
A “but” often turns off effective listening in those very
individuals that you want to influence.
Another way to use “and” is to add to views already
expressed.
Rather than
saying, “That is an
important point, but you left out the most significant point,” say,
“That is important point and I would add to that these other points.”
Francine
R. Gaillour, MD, Business Consultant and Executive Coach
for Healthcare Leaders francine@physicianleadership.com,
(206) 686-4205
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